How do you put a price on a life? I have asked myself that question this evening as I watched the boys ride their bikes, did laundry, cooked dinner, and now as I type this. I have to admit that I am tired. We are trying SO hard to fundraise. I have been making cakes left and right, made hairbows, bracelets, signs, baked goods. We have been doing the Farmers Market.... David is doing a newspaper route 3 nights a week....... Might not seem like much but it is when you add in our usual 40 hour a week occupations, plus continuing to care for our family. Even with the addition of a bonus from work, which I was so thankful for, we are still no closer to being at our first step. I look at the figures of what we need and we aren't even close. Why is there a price to provide a family to a child? How is it okay?

Now, I am going to go ahead and address those who keep wanting to suggest foster care. My heart is not into "temporary" and I could not handle investing in a sweet life and have it ripped away. We aren't there at this point in our life but I am so thankful for those that are. This isn't an option. Yes, I know that the state will cover costs. The state isn't going to be able to repair a devastated family who had their child given back to their family, and yes, it happens.

Please, if you have a suggestion for a fundraiser, please let me or David know. I wish I could explain so you could understand our hearts and why we want to do this. I feel it so strongly, as does David. I ask how God could lay this on our hearts. I prayed this out loud as I left work the other day. I said "God, we can't do this. What are we thinking?" and I turned the radio station right then to hear a man tell his adoption story of his daughter Deborah. Coincidental? I didn't think so..... I laughed and answered back "Okay. Let's do this." I feel so overwhelmed with so many decisions and ask that you please pray for us. Please...... we need sincere, heartfelt prayers.... prayers that God will provide or that we will see that this isn't His will. Or whatever you want to pray, we just need them. I am so thankful for Bethany B., Molly H, Penny H., Arlene H., Misty B., Pam H., Glenda E. for listening to me and for really being supportive. I find it funny that some of our closest friends seem to be MIA with this and I am SO appreciative that these people have actually been interested and listened to me. I can't tell you girls what that means.

It is past midnight. The boys have been in bed for hours, as well as David, who does his newspaper route tonight. I have mopped the dining room, painted, made 8  bracelets and have checked on the boys at least 3 times. Once was because Garren needed tucked in again.... once was to feed the frog.... once was to peek at their sweet faces, to listen to their deep, relaxed, sleeping breaths.

 My boys are tucked in to have sweet dreams after reading a bedtime story, which is usually our ritual. I wondered where our little girl is tonight. Is she tucked in with comfy pj's on?Did she get to read a book? Did she get tucked in and wished sweet dreams, followed by kisses? Did she have enough to eat tonight? Is she inside or living in a cardboard shanty, trying her best to stay warm? Is she wondering where she will get breakfast to.morrow and already knows a trash can she can go to? These are thoughts that are hard to bear but I know in my heart that I am to help this child. We are to give her a family and take care of her.... to kiss boo boos, to play dress up with, teach her to ride her bike, to hug and kiss, to give her 2 big brothers to make her laugh..... We want to do this now.... to go bring her home.

Somebody told me that they had raised two kids and they weren't interested in adoption. And it isn't for everyone. But how can we turn our backs on children that are on the streets? Children as young as 4.... with nobody, Trying to get into an orphanage that is full already? Some places they have to hide from pimps who try to kidnap them into sexual slavery, and yes, as young as 4 years. It pains me to think of my boys going through trash to find food, having no guidance, not knowing what to do.

 I find myself praying for a little girl that I don't know... that I have never seen, but who already has a huge place in my heart. And I want to go to her so bad I can't stand it. But, we wait, and pray.
And I ask that you would too.

30 Peanut butter Easter Eggs, one birthday cake, another cake baked, 6 runs of buttercream, 2 runs of chocolate buttercream, and 7 lbs of homemade fondant........ that's what I did after I came home from working my usual 8 hours today. So, now it is 10 pm and I finally sit down, along with Garren, who just decided he is not sleepy and got out of bed. "Are you tired?" Garren wants to know...... "Yes, but I am doing this to help bring your sister home." And he smiles and says "Good. When?" Good question.

I had a lengthy conversation with the adoption agency this week. It was about "special needs" amongst other things, and I got stressed out, to the point of telling myself that I can't do this, that it isn't right, that we aren't ready, that we are crazy, that we really have no clue what we are getting ourselves into. And I lost focus..... And then, support. Wow, where has that been from some of the people that we love most? Cause we have some good friends that have not even acknowledged what we are doing.... friends that we depend on to pray for us. But as someone really great reminded me, you really find out who your friends are, and we can do this with or without them, that they aren't the ones that matter anyway. And that God has this, no need to worry. And there's a little girl waiting on us, who needs our family. So, all these crazy things that sidetracked me? Just things, nothing more.  

So, yes...... I will continue to make cakes and chocolate eggs and hairbows and bracelets and whatever it takes. And we can do this, even with special needs or whatever it is........ because "If not us, then who?"

I used to think that I would never get married.... Sister Mary Margaret Catherine Michelle is the name that my friends and I said I would have to use when I had to become a nun.  And kids? No! I didn't want them...... or at least until I didn't until I held my sleeping niece Sarah in my arms.

So,  finally, after praying SO long, asking God for the same thing that I am sure He was so tired of my request, IT happened.  Along came this boy at a hot air balloon rally, with the prettiest blue eyes who completely did not listen to my introduction of myself (I had just explained I was a social worker) and he asks "So how long have you worked at Penn Stuart (a law firm)?" Where is the eye roll button?!? But I knew he was the one. He is the peanut butter to my jelly, the waves in my ocean, the sweet in my dreams.... you get the picture.

So, 10 years later, here we are. And yes, I have kids! Two boys, ages 6 and 4 (but thinks he is 20). Funny thing, David and I have always had a mutual "thing" for adoption. This has been something that we have talked about so naturally..... talked like we would actually do it. This desire was made even more clear when our dear friend Francis, from Rwanda, showed us some photos after the genocide. An estimated 600,000 children were orphaned from those 100 days of bloodshed that I don't even want to imagine. 600,000 children! I wanted to know what they did, who fed them, who took care of them, what happened? I was in tears as he showed me the homemade, makeshift memorials where the bones had been gathered from the mass graves and placed there, because nobody knew who they were so they could be properly buried.

And again, here we are. We have talked and we have prayed and talked and prayed and we have finally decided to step out in faith to go for it! After much research and talking to others, and even interrupting someone else's lunch to ask about their gorgeous kids who are adopted, we have made some decisions and are going for it. "If not us, then who?"

and I am going to get all Bible on you say, it's our responsibility to do this. I have had all kinds of questions..... Don't you have kids "of your own?" (why yes, I do).Why don't you just have another kid "of your own?"( I am too darn old!) You might have to bring home (enter the whisper here) a black child. (Yes, and I would be okay if they were orange or purple too). Where did you come up with this idea? (You ever read the Bible, cause it's in there, and more than once). Yeah, this is what I have gotten...... but you know what? This has nothing to do with anybody else other than our family, God, and the child that needs a family, our family.

So, we have started fundraising....... why? Because, yes, adoption is expensive, and instead of asking all of my friends to donate money, I would rather make them something that they can see and have, and to give a reminder of all the kids that need a family, a hope, a dream, and love. And I am a Social Worker (this is where working at Penn Stuart would have come in handy) and David is a Probation Officer. No question, we aren't wealthy. But, we want to give a child a home.

Please pray for us. I don't ask that lightly because so many people say they will and they don't and often, I won't even mention it so as not to waste time or breathe, but we need it, our child that is waiting on us needs it.

And if you need a bracelet, I know somebody that has some cool ones! Bracelets that will help give a little girl a family to call her own.